So, you have a date tonight and you rummage through your closet trying to find that perfect outfit and the hours spent thinking thoughts of “I’d like to wear that shirt on my date, but what if he thinks my arms jiggle too much or what if he reaches to hug me and he feels that bit of back fat?”. “What if I wear that skirt and he thinks my knees look bony?” Finally, “My feet! I can’t wear those heels or flip flops!”
Ladies, the truth of the matter is that men don’t see these “flaws” as you do. Okay, some do, but the reality of it is that about to 86 percent of men don’t care about those “flaws” you see in yourself. So what do men think of your body?
You hold that key in the amount of confidence you have in yourself. My journey is long in this department. But glad to say, not anymore! You see, I had a problem with my body confidence. In my dating experience, men understand that, and when they notice you’re not comfortable in your skin, it is not very attractive. It’s not the flaws that you see in yourself that keep them away from you. It is YOU being uncomfortable with who you are. It took me a while to figure this out. The real challenge begins with you and how you see yourself. If you are not confident about yourself, how can anyone be sure in you?
How you perceive yourself in the mirror could be holding you back from enjoying all possibilities of a healthy and intimate relationship or keep you from encountering a successful dating journey on your path to meeting that man you want, the job you want or even the current relationship you have now.
I know you’re reading this thinking “Sure, sure who is she and to give advice” I mean what does she know, right? Here’s my story, in a nutshell, I am a 38-year-old woman, with two boys, stretch marks from birthing these two, I currently weigh 154 pounds at approximately 5ft. 3″ tall. Granted, I am 60 pounds lighter than I was over a few years ago, which is something I am very proud of. For my reasons, I strive to continue to lose a few more pounds. Now a few years ago, I would have NEVER displayed the weight and stretch marks comment. I don’t consider myself fat, but I’m not skinny or completely toned, just yet. I hope that by displaying that personal info, you can be reassured that I can relate to you.
What’s my secret to overcoming the struggle with body confidence? It’s effortless. Leave your comfort zone! You see, many years I was that woman who never tried anything new. I was too concerned about what people thought and how I thought I looked to other people. Then I changed the pattern and started to concentrate on what I was going to do about it. How do I find peace with my body and find the confidence to enjoy the beauty not only on the inside but on outside as well? I asked myself, “What do I need to change, and how do I get outside of my comfort zone to break out of my shell finally. “
It starts with what you feed your mind. I’m sure you were guessing I would say it starts by exercising. No, I won’t know that. But, what I will say is how you perceive your body confidence and HOW you can get there are a psychological mindset and the way to enhance that thinking in a more positive aspect by experiencing things you have never experienced. Do something for YOU that makes YOU feel good about YOU!
For me, it was learning to change my lifestyle. From how and whom I socialized with to eating healthier! I don’t mean going to your local bar or club or eating salads every night. But if what you are doing now is not working for you, then it is time to change it!
Okay, so you are excited and ready to do this! Here comes the excuse, “But I work, I have kids, someone needs to do the errands, I’m a single mother, I’m low on funds, or I just don’t have the time” type of scenarios arise. Alright, so it was a little easier said than done. I mean, I still had one child at home. I can cut back on the take out food and find something my son and I can do together. He was struggling trying to find a sport to his liking, and he tried every game out there and came then came across mixed martial arts. We checked into it, and he loved it, he felt welcomed and found his place. I sat on the sidelines, still pondering what to do about myself. To make a long story a bit shorter, I joined my son in this sport six months later. Never in my life would I have thought of it as “Family Oriented” but was finding my self outside of my comfort zone.
What did this mean for me? Not only did I find something that my son and I can do together, but I also found confidence in myself. You see, I exceeded limits that I thought my body was not even capable of achieving at my age, my weight, and with no experience or knowledge in this sport. That is exercising your psychological mindset. When you feel great about your accomplishments, it pours out on your physical appearance, you’re happy about that, and in the meantime, your body is fearless, confident in your skin. This is what worked for me, and it was different from going to the average everyday gym, which I still do from time to time. But there I can’t exceed my comfort zone.
Many women struggle with body confidence, and I hope that by reading this, you find some inspiration or motivation to enjoy the beauty of being a woman at any age or weight. I post a lot about working out, but the most important thing is that I do it for me and to maintain a healthy and active lifestyle. This is my outlet and what works best for me and my life. Find what works for you and challenge yourself outside of your comfort zone.
I think I’m pretty average, but for the most part, I can say that after all these years, I am finally enjoying being a confident woman in my skin.