by Stefany J. Jones on Thursday, September 28, 2020, at 1:00 pm
I don’t know what took me so long or what exactly was standing in the way, blocking this blessing of mine – the forum, venue, opportunity whatever you want to call it, just to speak my peace. I have never been one who was good at being consistent w/handwritten journals… probably my lack of patience b/c thoughts run through my head at lightning speed. But this right here is the answer to prayers and dreams… Who knew?
It’s the strangest place to be, at times, in our skin. As we seek the truth, learn lessons, grow from experiences, share in the values of others through personal interaction – there is a time when you are with self and SELF, the I AM just still and taking it all in. I believe, as human beings, we are so ‘marked’ by our past and our paths that we have this percentage of doubt within us that triggers when the unthinkable or the unspeakable happens.
What is probably one of our best defense mechanisms against pain and anguish, I have found to be a trigger of sorts of all the good things that pass before us as well. And although within us all is this soul thirst which searches for the fulfillment of truth, there is also present this waged hindrance upon our shoulders that is ready and quick to whisper “this is too good to be true,” “careful now,” “nahhh this could never be yours”…, and the list goes on. Because I believe we give words power and energy, I will not go further except to say that the mind’s defense mechanism of protection which is designed to work in our favor is the very culprit that incites the rationalization of talking us out of everything promising and good for us out of fear.
So when you feel like you’ve hit the jackpot, when things are going great for you, when you see the light at the end of a dark tunnel just know that it’s not an illusion and the only delusion is your believing that you are not worthy and that there isn’t much more where that came from.
I, for one, have held up and virtually ‘passed’ on MANY more JACKPOT moments than I care to admit. Primarily because when I ‘thought’ I had struck gold, I eventually discovered through wear and tear, I was left with fool’s Gold and tarnished pieces of ‘not much of anything’ of value…. But I can say that with every day I press forward. I have spent these past 11 years in a place of walking towards/sojourning to that place that I’ve known for more than 35 years I belonged.
I AM grateful for my growth, for the multiple times of grace and mercy that have been extended to me. Still, most of all, I AM overjoyed at the ARRIVAL as the highest time of my life is NOW…. This time I refuse to accept what IS without open arms, a different mindset, a changed heart, a more substantial walk, and, most of all, confidence in the knowledge that I AM safe, I AM well, I AM deserving, and I AM finally here.!
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