When You Put Saving Face First…Part One

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Yesterday was filled with super-charged emotions, a whole lot of tears, and nothing but drama.

My oldest daughter, the twin, was blowing my phone up in-between a significant disagreement she was having with her father.

I was being dragged in the middle by both parties, with each one wanting me to side with them and support their viewpoint.

I did my best to stay neutral and give each of them feedback and my opinion of what they were not doing right, and what would have been a better response (rather than be supportive of either one of their merits).

It escalated and grew until both had to leave the place they were and agree to talk at another time.

It’s been 12 years since I left my ex-husband, and our marriage was over way before I left. Like so many others, I tried my best to stick it out for the sake of the children and put my needs last, but truth be told, that was not until I tried to stick it out for the outsider’s perception’s sake, and put saving face first.
Anyway, there’s been a lot of hurt, resentment, anger, regret, and pain from the entire situation.
The marriage, the separation, the divorce, and post-divorce life brought into my luggage of every material, size, shape, and weight. Yep, plenty of baggage.
I had suitcases filled with pain, a couple of roll-away bags that held shame, a make-up bag (which usually has the most robust exterior) containing all of my abuse (emotional, mental, & towards the end some physical), and a garment bag or two keeping neat and straight all my hanging insecurities about our past as a family and my history as his wife.

Years ago, I took all my bags and shipped them “RETURN TO SENDER” as I got my house (person) straight and did a major cleanout (emotional & spiritual cleanse and healing).

It wasn’t until yesterday when he came to my door with his ticket to claim those bags as his own; calling me for the first time in I don’t know how long since we don’t communicate, that I realized there were some of his belongings in my basement that I had been either too tired, too weak or too forgetful to go get out.

They were there, and I knew it. He was front and center in my world with his claims, and he was there to take back all of it, the stuff I packed away neatly in a box and the bags in the basement of my soul I had forgotten about.

How in the world? Why in the world? You mean this man who I haven’t been able to really have any type of civil conversation with in the past 13 years, who has not been around for the previous 12 to help or provide any assistance with raising our children is front and center with the ticket? WOW, imagine my surprise…………. (to be continued tomorrow).


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