by Stefany J. Jones on Thursday, August 10, 2020, at 1:00 pm
FROM A PLACE OF HURT & DISAPPOINTMENT. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not play that SPEECH thing. I do not believe in speaking anything from my mouth that is not of and from a positive vibration.
I don’t care for and find negativity, the pessimism of others, and the lack of faith my fellow brothers and sisters have in themselves to be toxic, and I reject it with all of my might. I also, before today, never believed that one should ever write from a place and space of hurt and pain. I think that as long as the resolution has been met, then writing a painful experience and then capitalizing on the lesson learned from it is a good thing. I believe that is how we teach others and also set the examples needed for them to “avoid” our road traveled.
Well, today is a different day for me. Today has been so hectic from midnight last night, that I can’t help BUT write it. WHY? Because although the lesson will probably not be revealed to me until after the fact, there is certainly some value to this PROCESS and DIFFICULT place I’ve found myself.
I’m in the middle of all HELL breaking loose, and to be honest with you; I’ve never been one of those people who has ever been moved or swayed by its presence or attack. I’ve always gone with the flow, taken things in stride, and had this immutable tendency to be “aloof” to the probable repercussions of what the outcomes “could be.” Call it ignorance, call it nuts if you like, I prefer to call it as I see it, and that is a NON-ISSUE. The fact of the matter is I know that every thing I go through is about perfecting, improvement, learning, and REVELATION. When all HELL starts breaking loose, and I’ve allowed too many “newcomers” into my circle, then I know that I need to slow down and back up a bit. You see, you never know the remnants of what people speak out of their mouths and what they speak over your life. You never know what they are praying or secretly hoping for you. I guess that is why so many VERY SUCCESSFUL people keep their circles close-knit and TIGHT.
Anyway, I feel as if I’m on a boat that has found itself in the middle of a raging storm. I feel as if there is no life jacket on board to reach for. I feel as if my entire crew and traveling companions have bailed out. I feel as if I prepared, checked the weather, and have wholly been blind-sided and without cause at that. If I were to tap into the deepest parts of what I am feeling at this exact moment amid these exact circumstances…. as I close my eyes and take a deep breath, I would have to say GRATITUDE.
I am grateful for my strength and endurance that has been improved only as a result of previous and very similar occurrences. I am thankful for the source of my peace amid this confusion and the assurance that this source brings, while all of these things going on are being hurled at me from every direction. I am grateful for the revelation of seeing those I thought enough to invite on this trip opt to bail out because of their lack of faith and support despite their earnest professions of being down for whatever. But most of all, I am most grateful for being CREATED and BUILT TO LAST. That in and of itself has given me the POWER to STOP the rage of the atmosphere, REPEL the darts and arrows aimed at my heart, my mind, and my person, and ignite the FIRE within to ILLUMINATE and bring a beautiful outcome to an untempered process.
YEP, I think I’ll just keep being who I am, seeing things how I see them, and invoke the WISDOM that’s been gifted and imparted to me to UNDERSTAND the why, ACCEPT the who, and RESOLVE the what if. Yeah, I choose to let FAITH win this one!
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